August 1, 2017 (Tuesday)

July 31, 2018

In today’s “Motivation” question, “how does it make you feel to see others share in your happiness,” I realized that my “natural” instinct is to gravitate toward unhappiness. That is, I couldn’t come up with examples of “seeing” others sharing in my happiness, the way a mother might beam with pride at seeing her child […]

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July 31, 2017 (Monday)

July 30, 2018

Yesterday W., A., and I took a walk after coming back from the airport where we had dropped off and seen off and said goodbye again to E. and Ax., and I had started on their linens and towels, using the basement Frigidaire workhorse washer since my fancy-pants Blomberg POS washer is again broken, and […]

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July 30, 2017 (Sunday)

July 29, 2018

And so it’s chaos, or nearly so, in and around the house as it’s being ripped apart and we expend our mental energy on glue, imagining it all whole and unwounded again. It’s so strange that humans can do this, without effort, seemingly. Yesterday, walking the posh stretch along Masconomo Road to Smith’s Point and […]

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July 29, 2017 (Saturday)

July 28, 2018

Overcast morning. The worker crew is here in full force. I’m sitting at the “book desk” in the living room, as the crew had started on scraping the sunroom windows when I wanted to start my morning routine. Yesterday: long-ish conversation with Ax. about his veganism, which he said is a kind of religion for […]

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July 28, 2017 (Friday)

July 27, 2018

Yesterday’s morning pages could have been less boring, and I’m afraid today’s might suffer from the same weakness. What a stupid day yesterday was, almost as if the morning pages were a template for the anomie I experienced the rest of the day. It was supposed to rain at midday. Two workers arrived first thing, […]

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July 27, 2017 (Thursday)

July 26, 2018

Writing down the date just now I realized it was exactly ten days ago that Suzie, the amazingly helpful woman at the Home Depot Pro Services Desk pointed out that date’s palindrome (7-17-17) when she took my order for the decking materials. That’s sort of when we started in earnest on this project – which […]

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July 26, 2017 (Wednesday)

July 25, 2018

Boy, if I get up any earlier, I won’t even have time to go to bed… Kidding, not that early by many early risers’ lights. But certainly by mine. And the days are full. Yesterday, dinner prep all morning, plus baking bread. Then at noon or 12:30p.m., we headed out. Piled into the van, drove […]

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July 25, 2017 (Tuesday)

July 24, 2018

Getting up early is hard for W. and me. Yet here we are, doing it, with him coming home late-ish in the evenings, seven or seven-thirty. My work continues, making dinner, cleaning up, etc. Now there’s the company, too, of which I’m glad, but it extends social “on” time for longer than usual. When we […]

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July 24, 2017 (Monday)

July 23, 2018

Self-doubt is an interesting thing. Like anger or love, it’s an emotional state, or perhaps an emotion whose state we can acquire at any time, and which isn’t exclusionary. You can feel actual self-doubt and its near-opposite, something like love or calm, simultaneously. I’m not sure if this merely means that you’ve learned to accept […]

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July 23, 2017 (Sunday)

July 22, 2018

Beautiful sunny morning, low humidity, lovely. I’ve opened the windows and doors. It smells like chemicals, though, which is the exterior paint, specifically the primer. The crew worked hard again all day yesterday, although “only” till 4:30 / 4:45p.m. They continued scraping, and also sanding (deck railings), as well as priming. We kept all the […]

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