Julius and Yule surf the vodoo web

by Yule Heibel on October 26, 2003

I’ve now come across references to the Kabalarian Philosophy site on two Canadian blogs, Dave Pollard’s and Perpetualkarma’s. I like both blogs tremendously, and since they’re apples and oranges, I was struck that both should mention the Kabalarian site. Both seemed to suggest a certain degree acknowlegement of the Kabalarian’s supposed ability to “assess” a personality based on the person’s name. Well, being of a sceptical and iconoclastic bent, I naturally had nothing better to do than to pay the site a visit and try to wreak some havoc. I typed in my name and checked the gender box, female. Yes, I am all woman, despite the fact that the Gender Genie has me pegged for a man, as Joel told me a while ago. I’ve never tried the Gender Genie, it seemed too stupid — it’s another so-called assessment site I’d like to take apart, but never got to. However, as you shall see, I was inspired by it when I visited the Kabalarians… Read on…

Here’s my result on the Kabalarians, if Yule is a girl:

The name of Yule has given you a strong desire for a high standard of living. From a very early age, your ambitions have been directed toward the accumulation of material wealth. However, you have a generous side to your nature as well, and like to share what you have with others. You have an empathy for the problems of others, particularly on social or economic issues, and you would gain satisfaction doing work of a humanitarian nature. You have a clever mind and must have an interest outside the home to be happy. Because of your interest in business and the affairs of the world, you find it easy to converse with all types of people. There is a tendency for you to possess and control those closest to you, and, as a result, you would suffer with shattered ideals and losses in the affections. Your feelings are very strong and you have difficulty in controlling your temper. You must fight to overcome an inclination to indulge in the pleasures of life. You appreciate good food and may even be considered a connoisseur of fine foods.

Naturally since I’m a bit of a bitch, I decided to try it again, this time as a guy. Here’s what came back if Yule is a boy:

Your name of Yule indicates that you have an analytical nature with an interest in political and economic issues. You desire a high standard of living and the best quality in material possessions. Creating an impression of affluence and prestige is important to you. From a very early age your ambitions have been directed towards the accumulation of material wealth. You can be generous and willing to share what you have with others. Your empathy for the problems of others in social or economic issues, could bring satisfaction from work of a humanitarian nature. You find it easy to converse with all types of people. Your desire to possess and direct those closest to you could result in shattered ideals and losses in the affections. Uncontrolled outbursts of temper could cause problems in close personal relationships.

Ok, class, let’s do some text analysis here and expose some pretty wild sexism. As a boy, I have an analytical nature with an interest in political and economic issues. My desire for the venal luxuries of life comes second, after the compliment on that fine mind of mine. As a girl, the grasping, acquisitive aspect of my nature is mentioned first, however. Now, is this because girls are naturally not as high-minded as boys, or because girls are naturally venal? Or is there nothing natural or supernatural here, and it’s all cultural? Hmmm? As a girl, I “must fight to overcome an inclination to indulge in the pleasures of life,” but as a boy, no mention is made of that. Captains of industry, “naturally”, deserve rewards.

Oh boy.

Oh girl.

Next, I tried my father’s favourite name for me, Julius. Ok, I was a 7th daughter, you can’t blame the guy for fantasizing that he had a son somewhere in there. This time the differences weren’t as glaring, but as a boy, the name “has made [me] serious-minded, responsible, and stable,” but as a girl, the name only “rather” made me so. As a Julius boy, I have “good business judgment,” but as a Julius girl, I’m only capable of “remember[ing] the thoughtful little expressions of affection and appreciation that mean so much to others, and [I] have the ability to create a warm and loving environment.” And so on and so forth.

My scientific conclusion: to hell with hocusy-pocusy so-called assessments of personality, whether done by tossed sticks, stars, cards, or computer generated gender genies or kabalarians-on-high-tech.

And girls, beware of sexism everywhere, even and especially in our brave new world as well as in the old one of superstition.


jr October 26, 2003 at 9:50 pm

As someone who attempts to re-invent himself every 10 years or so,I wonder if the analysis of my name would change. Nah, just some more party tricks. I need to write a random personality trait generator, make a fortune and become a Captian of Industry and indulge in the pleasures of life.

Yule Heibel October 27, 2003 at 1:05 am

There you go, JR, think practically! (PS: Just curious, now: Did you try typing in your blogger nickname, Noded? And what’s the difference between a male node and a female node? Ooohh!)

Doug Alder October 27, 2003 at 10:41 pm

Not to mention the leader of that group was involved in some big sex scandal a few years back, involving teenage girls, that spanned a couple of decades. – I grew up not far from their “temple”.

jr October 28, 2003 at 9:28 am

I checked. Noded is not in their database. I must not exist which opens me to unsurmountable opportunites.

Yule Heibel October 28, 2003 at 4:29 pm

Doug: interesting bit of follow-up there! I didn’t know the leader had been involved in a scandal (sex or otherwise). Those snake oil guys…, tsk tsk.

JR: You could start your own cult of non-data-base-captured first-name-based numerology. All your disciples could run around with names like Plasma or Byte or Flatscreen or Internet & so on…!

Anonymous December 8, 2003 at 8:46 pm

I wrote a satirical article about them on my website and they threatened me with lawyers!

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