Mr. Gumby writes a letter to the editor

by Yule Heibel on August 1, 2006

Many things have conspired to keep me from composing or posting or composting, whether here at the blog or at my Victoria City Style Council wiki, hence no updates to report on the wiki just now. But the local papers did publish a couple of my letters-to-the-editors, which was “a good thing,” I suppose, although I sometimes imagine that angry peasants with pitchforks (oh, wait, that’d be status quo devils) can’t be far behind.

While I will post an update on my wiki with the letters that saw publication, along with some that haven’t, I can’t resist sharing the following especially idiotic letter-to-the-editor, published on the same day as my endorsement of a new downtown development appeared. The letter writer, whose name, surprisingly enough, was not Gumby, wrote that high-rise development has to be stopped because it … well, because it’s all… well, it’s all sexual, you see, and the politicians should finally DO something about it, because all this SEX, you see, is leading to overpopulation, and well, I mean, well!, more people just means more… well, more sex, doesn’t it? See? Point proven!

Mr. Gumby wrote the following, which the local paper entitled thus:We have too many people:

Re: “Towering dreams for ‘uptown,’” July 15. [This was the name of the newspaper article both I and Mr. Gumby responded to — Ed.]

The headline makes me shudder. Developers think that expansion can go on indefinitely. No politician ever addresses overpopulation, the world’s biggest problem. Naturally, people like sex, and developers are never satisfied and think that this game can go on forever and ever.
[For the sake of Mr. Gumby’s children, I deleted his name.], Victoria.

Well, there you have it. All is explained. (And now you know what the calibre of some of the people who populate this city is.) Canada may be a relatively underpopulated country (and we hope Mr. Gumby is an evolutionary dead-end) and we might not have the population in generations to come to support the boomers coming down the pike now, but since there’s overpopulation in other places like India, China, etc., it’s probably a good idea if we, too, get over all this sex business and stop breeding. Then maybe Mr. Gumby can stop shuddering (I wonder, has he considered shaking instead…?), and all will be as once it was, even here.

But then again, perhaps Mr. Gumby’s worst nightmare will be an influx of ageing, non-child-bearing boomer women, described by Kay Hymowitz as Desperate Grandmas? Wouldn’t that be ironic — all those new residential condos filled with lustful women in their second adulthood, prowling for The. Best. Sex. Ever. Watch out, Gumby, if you’re not careful, they’re gonna getcha!


melanie August 1, 2006 at 8:27 am

I am shaking (quaking?) with laughter! I totally missed that episode of Monty Python. What on earth were they up to? The knotted handkerchief on the head, the fairisle sweater, the braces, the wellies… the hitler moustache (definitely a John Cleese obsession)!

(from a Desperate Grandma)

yulelog August 1, 2006 at 5:11 pm

Ah, the Gumbies appeared intermittently throughout. Trigger phrase is “My brain hurts!” as when Dr. Gumby performs brain surgery on Patient Gumby. (If your brain hurts, you must have it out.)

It’s because they’re such idiots that I couldn’t resist attributing this letter to one of the Gumbies…

Wicked, I know, but sheesh, so deserving!

Oh, PS: there’s a wikipedia page for them (of course…):

Cavalor Epthith August 1, 2006 at 10:36 pm

We can only hope for the sake of all you fine folks in Victoria that those Desperate Grandmas will have better taste than to waste their fulfillment on Mr.Gumby. His end should come hauling his OWN ashes to the compost heap of evolution. “Status quo devils”! I really like! Keep that up and we’ll have to hire you as a guest corporeal!

Honored as always,

Cavalor Epthith, Esq.
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork

yulelog August 1, 2006 at 10:45 pm

Your point is well taken, Cavalor — I can’t imagine that messing with Gumbies would be on the agenda of these upscale (and for the most part: American) women.

Hmmm, I just had a vision: Randy Bachman, Burton Cummings, and others from the legendary Canadian rock band, The Guess Who, themselves now well-advanced in years, singing a reprise of “American Woman,” their big 60s hit… With handkerchiefs tied on their heads, and fairisle vests of course…


maria August 2, 2006 at 1:01 pm

When I lived in B.C., I used to know my share of Mr. Gumbys. But, there are plenty of versions of him around here in “New Age” Marin, resistant to change — but more in the style of those “desperate grandmas,” which, by the way, was a great article. Thanks for the link.

yulelog August 2, 2006 at 3:33 pm

Yes, Maria — the Gumbies are pretty evenly distributed, like a bell curve! I have to thank you for the reference to the New York Times Magazine article (The Brand Underground), which I refer to in today’s blog entry, and I’m glad you liked “Desperate Grandmas.” My friend Betsy noted, however, that one should click through to the author’s bio and note that her picture suggests that she is far too young to be writing about this topic since she as yet has no idea how all-of-a-sudden this onset of …well, age really is. Good point, I thought!

PS: ok, I just clicked through to find Hymowitz’s picture (here) and maybe she isn’t too young after all.

And she has some pretty right-wing topics/ articles/ interests, if her publications list and speaking engagements are anything to go by.  Still, “desperate” is pretty funny, except for the end where she gets a bit mean.

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