October 24, 2017 (Tuesday)

by Yule Heibel on October 23, 2018

Now the light has returned to being an even glaze of early morning illumination, but I saw a spectacular reveal earlier of broken highlights and magical intensities. Broken highlights on the uneven clouds, which now have fused and blended into bluish light gray. Highlights of the insanest gold and other precious metals, and not a few gems, as though thrown by a careless god across the sky.

Or, if these are the most “material” treasures s/he can bestow, perhaps not carelessly at all but actually very generously.

If it were a god, how would we know what this daily production costs him or her? Part of us tends to think – almost resentfully – “Oh, it’s just peanuts – s/he doesn’t even miss it; it’s careless largesse and therefore false.” But what if each dawn is a sacrifice? If it costs the “god” his or her life, or at least a bit of it? It’s quite amazing how, in taking things for granted, we devalue them, implicitly. And how we thereby also devalue ourselves. “It’s meaning-less, any talk of imaginary beings – gods! – is meaningless, pure BS.” In a way we try to deny how puny we are by denying there’s anything bigger. It’s just all on our scale, our level. By acknowledging immanent grandeur beyond ourselves, however, we paradoxically put it into our own lives.

I think also there’s real and fake grandeur. I saw a “news” item trending on Twitter that one of the Kardashians went platinum blonde. Nope, sorry: that’s fake grandeur. Not really interesting, except perhaps from a psychological perspective. If she went so blonde, why be photographed wearing sunglasses so black and enormous they cover half the face? For balance, perhaps. That blonde head isn’t “natural,” and of course the lady knows it (Tippi Hedren she’s not). Likewise, a film production of the dawn I saw earlier today wouldn’t be able to touch the real thing. It’s like Ms. K. (whichever one it is/was) “going” blonde versus being blonde, or any of these other fools going black / dark brunette / whatever. The colors we paint with, we dye with, are always just layered on top of something else. But nature can actually play with, change that underlying matrix. If we ever get to an AI where that’s actually possible (speaking of matrix), we’re doomed. Or not.

The turning leaves are now getting more intense in places. It was the orange colors which accentuated the spectacle of dawn light today, too. Most everything is still green, but the turn is happening. Texted with E. yesterday; she really liked my piece on The Birds, too. The wind is picking up. The leaves are trying to hold on. Will I ever get anything lasting done ever again?

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