Note: This Thanksgiving Eve November 22, 2017 sticky post starts the year-long “So Last Year” project, which begins with Thanksgiving 2016, November 24, 2016.

For many months now I’ve kept to a journaling routine called #MorningPages, popularized by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way. Writing longhand, avoiding pixels and screens, the routine has helped me get back to writing, an activity I love, but which got badly damaged and smashed to bits by the floods of social media.
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November 16, 2017 (Thursday)

by Yule Heibel on November 15, 2018

Why did I just want to write “2015” instead of 2017? I think it’s because my brain hadn’t fully caught up with my decision that today is the 16th and not the 15th. It is the 16th, but somehow I’m having trouble seeing the calendar dates leap forward as they do. Soon enough, one part of my mind says, it will be November 15th again – except it will be 2018 then. Another part of my mind wants to insist that’s an eternity of “nows” away. Which is correct? These two observations are at war.

Right now I’m heavier by about three or four pounds than I’d like to be. Incredibly, at my age, this sort of thing still (pardon the terrible pun) weighs on me. It feels like it should be child’s play to lose three or four pounds, but instead the “extra” weight is like that eternity of “nows,” refusing to budge for something as artificial as a calendar.

Do people get heavier in relation to how they feel about time? It’s an odd question, but it just popped up. I mean, if I got fat and heavy, would I be “anchoring” myself in some way in this particular “now,” and keep time in place, versus having it leak and flow all over the place? Is time pooling in fat people? These are ridiculous thoughts.

But they might give rise to some interesting images…

If Cronus’s son were morbidly, hugely obese, would Cronus be able to swallow him? Perhaps not. I got an email from A. asking about the recipe for Tiger’s Milk. Apparently he has gotten so skinny it’s worrying him, and he needs to bulk up. Is my boy being swallowed up by time, the gap between having and not having him widening? He has so much weighing on his mind these days.

And I’m not sure I like the family we’ve become – so far apart (Vancouver, Berlin, Boston), physically scattered to the winds, the proverbial (weightless) winds.

Yesterday was not a great day; I was in a mental funk. I took a long, long walk to B.-Beach and beyond. When I got home, I was exhausted – and so hungry, I ate a bag of BBQ chips. All of them. And then I get an email from my son, asking how he can gain weight. Come home?

Come home and grow fat with me? No. That’s not an option (and, anyway, neither am I fat).

Stay away (but maybe not that far away?), stay hungry. Make your mark in the world.

I’ve almost given up again on writing (the novel, or even the “So Last Year” idea), and all my plans seem to mock me once more. The sky looks brighter right now than it did when I first sat down – is the sun behind all those clouds? Is a crack widening? The sky looks brighter, but I feel darker, muddier. Too filled and weighted with stuck time.


November 15, 2017 (Wednesday)

November 14, 2018

A perfect sunrise; the ides of November. Another day; heading into the month’s second half. What does geological and cosmological “time” care about our seasons, our months? Short answer: it doesn’t. Longer answer might be a question: why do we need to parse time the way we do? Into years? Months? Weeks, days, …hours? What […]

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November 14, 2017 (Tuesday)

November 13, 2018

Last night I went to my second meeting of the “Jungian Study Group,” and I almost vowed never to return ever again. I felt I was losing IQ points as I sat and listened to our facilitator drone on in the most clichéd and banal ways. Additionally, besides me and the facilitator, the group now […]

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November 13, 2017 (Monday)

November 12, 2018

Not wearing my reading glass is causing more dis-focus than usual this morning. My right eye, through which I can see distance reasonably well (if not 20/20, then fairly close), but which therefore has succumbed to age-related presbyopia (farsightedness which leaves the up-close indistinct), wants to be dominant. It – or rather my brain – […]

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November 12, 2017 (Sunday)

November 11, 2018

Came across a somewhat terrifying article in “Peak Prosperity” (a blog? an online magazine?), tweeted out by @caitoz (Caitlin Johnstone), about the major power shifts in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA) and its turn to China. About how we could see a disastrous economic situation (by we, I mean us, here in the US […]

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November 11, 2017 (Saturday)

November 10, 2018

The long weekend continues – now into a blisteringly cold morning (23ºF). Sunny, clear, and crisp to the point of shattering on contact with it. I’m inside, my central heating is on, and, since I’m in the sunroom, I even feel broiled. The rest of the house feels vaguely cool, though. I dug around a […]

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November 10, 2017 (Friday)

November 9, 2018

So, we’re all at home now. Is that a true statement? W. and I are here, in B., in our house. But is that “all” of us? And is this “home”? Can you go home (again)? During meditation, I asked myself, “Where should your body be?” I woke up this morning not feeling quite right […]

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November 9, 2017 (Thursday)

November 8, 2018

This morning we pack up here and drive back to B. Winteresque temperatures have arrived, and I turned off the heat at home before we left. As we don’t have an app-controlled thermostat, I won’t be able to turn the heat on remotely – which means the house will be cold as a witch’s tit […]

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November 8, 2017 (Wednesday)

November 7, 2018

In politics, the fighting – and perhaps the (self-)delusion – never stops. Yesterday the Republicans lost big in Virginia, and already this is hailed as proof of the Democrats roaring back into power, a precursor of how they’ll sweep next year’s midterm elections. Maybe. But I wouldn’t mind seeing a tiny bit of soul searching […]

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November 7, 2017 (Tuesday)

November 6, 2018

There are elections today, but the municipal one I could vote in is the one I’m skipping out on, instead enjoying my time in New York City. It’s a different visit from last time. I’m also quite disenchanted with the hotel. Wasn’t crazy about it last time, and this time its lack of comforts is […]

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