It’s a dog’s life in today’s world

by Yule Heibel on November 19, 2003

The other day we were persuaded that our dog appeared to be in need of having his anal ducts manipulated. I had no idea dogs had anal ducts or that these could be in need of manual intervention (and all I can say is thank god for latex gloves, too). As it turned out, his “scooting or dragging the anal area” around the grass or rug was a red herring — nowhere near his bottom, incidentally — as his glands or sacs turned out to be in fine working order. At any rate… Before I took him to the vet, I checked the web for information. It seems that searching for [dog “anal gland”] turns up only humour sites, such as the Wacky Sayings Archive, and while this page wasn’t at all helpful in explaining what might be my dog’s problem, there is some funny stuff here, including outgoing telephone answering machine messages such as:

This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I’ll think about returning your call.

There are several other headings here (Label Instructions, Signs and Notices, Product Warnings), including Bad Headlines, which reminded me of Sheila Lennon‘s recent chortling over nonsense headlines (and sorry I can’t make the exact link to Sheila’s entry — something to do with registering — but it’s better to go to her main page, anyway, and read from the top):

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Autos Killing 110 a Day — Let’s Resolve to Do Better

… and, my favourite:
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Given our “progress” I hope that last one doesn’t turn out to be prescient. (Check out Frank’s expose of the views of James Leon Holmes, a Bush nominee to the Federal Bench: Mr. Holmes appears ready to take incarceration to a whole new level of pre-Bastille standards….) And speaking of the Bastille, which “was a prison where kings and queens usually locked up people who didn’t agree with their decisions. To a lot of French, the Bastille prison was a symbol of the corrupt system run by the kings and queens. On July 14, 1789 the Revolution began when a large group stormed the Bastille prison,” you have to check out Betsy Devine‘s entry on the establishment of “Free Speech Zones.” Science fiction today, reality tomorrow?


Anonymous November 20, 2003 at 3:53 pm

You’re blocked, man, don’t come back.

Yule Heibel November 20, 2003 at 4:10 pm

This is the first time I have ever changed a comment, but the idiot who posted above had a pro-nazi message, with links.

Do not try to drag your scummy filth to my site, buster.

brian moffatt November 22, 2003 at 4:49 am

Free speech zones a science fiction? Blog down, I turned on the TV the other night. There was a protest underway in Miami. Another one of these anti free trade bits of street agitation. (You gotta give these kids credit whether you agree with their tactics or position or not – I sat there wondering what sort of drugs are they on? They were outnumbered by the cops, out weaponed, outgeared and yet not only were they holding their own, they seemed to be pushing the cops back at times) These kids today! Anyway…one of the cops with a megaphone was blaring away at the protestors – “this is an unauthorized protest” or something to that effect. I mean I had just finsihed watching Trailer Park Boys and Made in Canada (which is the same show, exaclty, btw, you with no TV) and this line on the news was the one that gave me the biggest laugh.

Is it just me? Am I the only one who finds the news – any news – to be the funniest stuff on tv?

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