January 7, 2017 (Saturday)

by Yule Heibel on January 6, 2018

It’s actually already past 11:30am. Although we’ve been up for hours, I’m only now getting around to the usual routine of meditation, writing. So many things occupying the mind this morning. First, after a night of sleeping badly, we got up at 6:30. A. had already been up since 6, was ready to go. We scanned the news about the impending snowstorm, but it wasn’t expected to hit till ~11:30 – and it has now, bang on time. A.’s flight was still scheduled / on time (it ended up departing with a 35 minute delay after all, though – by which time we were home again). At 7:00 we left for the airport, and, miracle of miracles, there was as good as no traffic, total breeze driving in. Bitterly cold this a.m., though, albeit not as cold as it’s going to be in Montreal for the boys’ arrival.

A. checked his luggage, we bought some lattes at Starbucks, sat and waited to see when D. would arrive. He showed up about twenty minutes after we got there, and, after introductions, he checked his bag and then we all sat and talked some more. At 8:15, they went through the check-in and W. and I left to drive back home. On the way we stopped to get croissants, and to buy more sinus meds for me.

So now the old brainbox is churning multiple things – A.’s departure, his delayed flight, the Montreal adventure (Arctic adventure), meeting D., and (no ifs, ands, or buts) having to deal with the snow and its fucking removal.

Reminded of my routine, I go to meditate, which calms me down considerably. (But now, thinking about how I hate the snow, in particular how much I hate the snowblower we co-own with a neighbor, I’m winding myself up again.) In meditation, still on the Relationships pack. I decided to visualize [x], then at Harvard. The intense feeling of abandonment and my anger as well as accusations I wanted to hurl at him (that he’s a rubbish teacher / advisor, etc.) made me reflect on how I hate those feelings (of abandonment, as well as of being cut down) in myself, and how I was now cutting him down, in my mind. And that I had the power to send love and ease, even his way, instead.

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