April 2, 2017 (Sunday)

by Yule Heibel on April 1, 2018

It snowed a lot yesterday. Quite a lot in fact. All of it was extremely slushy and wet, but snow and blow it did, starting around midday (after a morning filled with wintry mix and ice pellets) and lasting till about 4p.m., after which it was all bluster. But the wind was cold, perhaps making ice. Sometime in the afternoon, I aborted my plans to go to X-venue in [town] for the 4p.m. panel and 8p.m. performance. It made me sad – and frankly angry beyond words – to do so, especially since the roads began to be cleared somewhat later in the afternoon and because by 7p.m. or so everything looked fairly manageable. By then, however, I was locked into making dinner, and I was nearly sore from shoveling all that heavy, wet snow earlier. I’m sad. I’m sad. I’m sad. And I’m angry. Last night I wanted to rip W.’s head off. Partly, it was his fault we didn’t go: he didn’t really want to venture out in this filthy, disgusting weather, and I didn’t want to push it because we are now officially uninsured – no health insurance – and I didn’t want to have to own the responsibility of getting into a car accident on those seemingly unpredictable roads (would it, did it ice up again by 9 or 10, when we’d be traveling home?), and land one or both of us in hospital with a hefty bill, to boot. We think we could invoke COBRA in an emergency, but we don’t want to go looking for emergencies to test the theory, either. So, angry. Sad. Staying stuck at home, again. Restricted by this crap weather and crap infrastructure.

I’m looking out my window now, it looks similar to yesterday morning in terms of slush and snow coverage on ground and roofs, except the sky is different. It’s higher, lighter in spots – there’s actually sun breaking through, just enough to make me squint – and the cloud cover has crumpled and massified into distinct ridges and shapes. It’s not like yesterday’s oppressively uniform and smothering lid, in other words. Hope is a broken sky, in this case. But it fails to inspire me with any kind of confidence.

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