August 20, 2017 (Sunday)

August 19, 2018

The “regret” theme continues, miserably tinting this entry. Feelings of worthlessness, not feeling loved by the most important person in a baby’s and a child’s and a young girl’s life; being alone and trying to prove something (my own viability?) …and failing. And then feeling guilty about failing, about trying in the first place. Did […]

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August 19, 2017 (Saturday)

August 18, 2018

Evenly gray clouds, thick and solid-looking up high, modulating into an even veil of transparent mist as they fall toward the ground, touching trees and roofs. So much of this country looks like an accident. Yesterday, briefly, I looked at Brooklyn on Google Street View, specifically the intersection of Myrtle Ave. and Nostrand Ave. where […]

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August 18, 2017 (Friday)

August 17, 2018

While A. was still here, I opened an account on Ancestry, and we played around with it for some time. I can trace some lines back to the later 16th century – my Belgian (and French, it turns out) ancestors were obsessive about keeping records, much more so than the Germans, whose records are sketchy […]

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August 17, 2017 (Thursday)

August 16, 2018

I overheard a 40-something tattooist tell a client about moving house recently, and that his library contains ~3,000 books or so. That’s huge. Were I to meet him at a party and the typically lame topic, “what do you do?” came up and he answered, “I’m a tattooist,” I’m not sure I wouldn’t be bored. […]

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August 16, 2017 (Wednesday)

August 15, 2018

Yesterday morning, walking back from the Depot, I decided to take a closer look at the “We love Deb” poster on the C.-Diner’s exterior wall. The poster included photos, and I realized with some considerable shock that Deb was the owner of the C.-Diner, and that she was someone I knew. The shock had a […]

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August 15, 2017 (Tuesday)

August 14, 2018

A deeply clouded day …in many ways. I woke to this dimness after sleeping fitfully. A plane, just a tiny toy-sized shape, has rounded north from Logan and, already high on the high high horizon, has just turned toward the west. It’s already out of sight now; they are fast, even though they look slow. […]

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August 14, 2017 (Monday)

August 13, 2018

It was hot, a bit too hot, for the first time in a while yesterday. And it made me think, again – after days if not weeks of home improvement had me fantasizing about staying in B. after all – about these life “choices” which seem, really, so choice-less. Like it’s something you just careen […]

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August 13, 2017 (Sunday)

August 12, 2018

How appropriate that I should start a new meditation pack today called “Regret.” First, I do have regrets which pull me into the past and deflect my future, and second, they’re a big part of feeling stuck. I want to get unstuck – to vroom, as the cartoons would have it. I want to accelerate […]

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August 12, 2017 (Saturday)

August 11, 2018

A couple of days ago, A. and I went on an afternoon outing in the general direction of Gloucester. At the first rotary on Rt.128 we decided on Lanesville, or rather Annisquam. It was a picture-perfect afternoon, some summer heat but nothing intolerable, a bit of haze over distant views, but not enough to impact […]

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August 11, 2017 (Friday)

August 10, 2018

I read a blog post about the BBC cartoon and Mary Beard’s erroneous defense of it. The author pointed out the ridiculousness of claiming “typicality” for a Roman British family headed up by a very dark-skinned sub-Saharan African, and pointed to several primary sources which describe, nonplussed, the barbarous and irrational prejudice of Romans toward […]

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